ahh, haven't been on here in a while..

life is crazy.. i keep waiting for things to slow down, and get into a routine, so that i can finally be emotionally stable.. but it doesn't appear to be happening in the near future.. and maybe it never will..

and then i wonder, is it just me? or do most people always feel out of control of their lives, and feel like they are constantly on an emotional roller coaster..?

i'm just exhausted

tired of caring..

and i don't know what to do..

and i don't really care

wow, things went horribly wrong..

Last week i was diagnosed with Vertigo, and was in the hopsital, vomiting everything i tried to put in my stomach.. for those of you who are unfamiliar with Vertigo, as i was, it is severe dizziness and unbalance to the point of nausea.. and i've been suffering from it for over a week now.. it's slowly getting better, but i had to miss all my classes last week.. thus, i am severely behind, and am doing horrible on my finals because i haven't had time to study, because i was unable to read anything because my vision was so screwed up until this past saturday evening.. my grades are going to be horrible.. and to top it off, i just can't focus.. i'm so emotionally burnt out.. i still am running into things, and can't walk straight..

just think about how you feel after you've spun around in circles many times.. that's how Vertigo feels..

and now i'm coming down with an awful cold.. or something.. my throat is so swollen and sore that i can barely swollow..

not to mention constant head aches.. and stomach pains...

i can't let myself be stressed anymore.. because this is what happens..

and now that i'm freaking out.. it's making everything worse.. and i can't seem to calm down..

and going home in a few days doesn't seem to make me feel better

my room mates are being bitchy to me.. because i can't do anything.. i can't do my chores, because i was sick, and now i'm trying to catch up.. and i've been sleeping a lot.. there's nothing i can fucking do!

ahh!!!!

and then i go to the library to study, and i have to walk back in the freezing rain!

boys suck

at least most of my friends are still here for me..

i need prayers..

i'm going to fail this exam tomorrow which is a three credit course.. which will really affect my gpa..

ahh!!! i can't sleep cause i'm too worked up..

i have 9 dollars in my bank account..i don't even know how i will afford gas to drive home..

and going on break, i will still have things to finish up from this semester due to some generous extensions..also an entire opera to memorize for the dayton opera..

i don't know what to do.

i know things can always get worse.. and this whole semester has been a vivid example.. and i'm just waiting..

what's going to happen now!? please.. tell me..

please! hit me!!

i'm ready..

or am i?

this is quite possibly the worst week of my life..

and i can't do anything about it

i just want to die, or disappear

i am becoming soo attached to my friends at school

i love dayton

and i love everyone there!

and being away for thanksgiving has really showed me how much i appreciate and love everyone there!

i miss my home friend's so much too

but i haven't seen them in so long!

i can't wait to see you all over christmas

i needed this vacation for sure